Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Relationships and Facebook

   A couple of months ago I noticed my ex-boyfriend had befriended my dad and my brother. No big deal. Then every time I would comment on anything my brother wrote, he would comment directly under. I ignored him.

   Then he sent me a friend request. I told my husband and said I was just going to ignore it.
This is the guy I was dating when I met my husband and as soon as I realized I had feelings for my husband I broke up with him. We had been friends long before we started dating. He was a great person, just not the person for me.

   If he was such a great person then why did I ignore him? I didn't want to go back to that time in my life. I didn't want him to think there ever could be anything between us. I also didn't want to ever put myself in a situation I would regret. My husband is my very best friend and he is 100% the person for me but I've seen so many people's relationships harmed because of Facebook, Myspace, or other social media outlets. 

     A matter of fact, my husband has all of my pass words to all of my accounts. Not because he doesn't trust me. I gave them to him so he knows that I don't care if he looks through my stuff. I have nothing to hide. He doesn't really care, he trusts me and he couldn't care less about the computer.

    After I ignored my ex-boyfriend he emailed me on there. Explaining we were such good friends and he was sorry he screwed up or relationship and how he needed me. I emailed him back and told him I was happily married and blocked him. I know him and he's persistent. I knew I had to end it immediately.

    I think it's great to use Facebook to connect with old friends and keep up with family. I had some long lost family members even find me via facebook so I'm not anti-social media. I do however think you need to be wary on who you are connecting with.

    Are you friends with ex-boyfriends on facebook? Does your significant other have your passwords?
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Nicole B on Tue May 03, 12:52:00 PM 2011 said...

My husband and I know each others passwords but I don't think we ever really check each others accounts. I don't think it is a good idea to be in contact with exes so you definitely did the right thing about your ex boyfriend.

New follower here! From the Follow Me Follow You list. Also following you back on Twitter. Going to look for you on FB in a second!
Mom Always Finds Out

Allison on Tue May 03, 01:52:00 PM 2011 said...

You did the right thing sweetie. I have all my husband's passwords too. But I learned the hard way. A very personal and painful story but my husband and I got through it. I will say this, it changed me. I was a very trusting partner but that trust was broken and now i'm very paranoid when it comes to those things.

A Little R&R on Wed May 04, 01:22:00 AM 2011 said...

What an excellent post! I've heard some Christians blame FB for breaking up marriages and causing affairs. FB is an inanimate object and cannot be blamed for people's wrong choices. If there wasn't FB they'd fall into some other trap, because they fail to show the discernment that you showed here.

I congratulate you! And it's great that your husband has full access to your accounts.

Since my husband is anti FB (and that's meant in a funny way - he just doesn't get the whole hubaloo about it) I leave it on and he can scroll through it.

I did have 2 ex's actually try to befriend me. One I accepted - he was my first BF and he is now gay. Later I defriended him because I didn't see the whole point in having him on my friend list. The other one I rejected mainly because there is a whole lot of unpleasant history there. Both times I talked to my husband about it and both times he was okay with whatever choice I made. He knows all my history and we have no secrets whatsoever. But in retrospect, after accepting my 1st ex's friend request, I just decided it was best to keep things way above board.

Again - great post. Great choice. Great discernment. And its choices like this that only add extra strength to an already great marriage!

heidi on Wed May 04, 11:54:00 AM 2011 said...

I am friends with a few ex-boyfriends but I always tell my husband first and give him a veto option. I've actually unfriended all but 1 of them. My husband doesn't directly have my ow but I'm sure he could figure them out if he wanted to.


Relationships and Facebook

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