However, every time I was at the grocery store without my husband I would buy a pack of M&Ms (the 2 serving size). I even convinced myself the M&Ms were healthy and wouldn't put me into binge mode, because I got the kind with peanuts.
If my husband was at the store with me, I would buy a container of Stonyfield Farm After Dark Frozen Yogurt. Again, I would tell myself... it's only 400 calories in the entire container and NO fat! Well, not until I added 2 tablespoons of all-natural Smuckers peanut butter to it, hid in my office, and scarfed the whole thing down while watching a show on Hulu (to also hide what I was doing from myself?).
When doctors would ask me, "what kind of food do you eat?", it didn't occur to me to mention that every time I had my period, I would buy and consume an entire bag of Doritos with a King size Snickers. Anyways, craving fat and sugar during your period is normal, right? It's okay to give into that craving just once a month, right?
And now that I think about it, a few times a month, when I dropped my kids off at Jiu-Jitsu, I would use the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts to order a "treat" of 2 cinnamon donughts and 2 Boston Creme donughts. I must have known how wrong this was, because I would throw away the bag in our big garbage cans outside, rather than throw them away inside, like I would have done other trash.
Oh, and there were also the Venti Skinny Vanilla Lattes on an almost daily basis. Skinny was in the name, so it must have been okay, right?
My husband used to weigh 400 pounds. He's lost more than 170 pounds so far. I watched in amazement as he slimmed down. I kept asking myself, "how is he doing it?" I asked him too. His response was always, "I decided."
I could not grasp what he was saying. It didn't make any sense to me. I had "decided" to lose weight many times before. Hadn't I? Each time I went on a diet, however, I would lose 10 or so pounds, slowly stop dieting and regain that 10, plus another 10.
After the birth of my youngest daughter, I weighed 130 pounds. 7 years later, I weighed 211. At 4'11.5", 211 pounds is HUGE! That's all there is to it.
For the next few years, I started eating healthier. I have lost about 25 pounds during these last 3 or 4 years, despite my little treats mentioned above. However, at 185 pounds, I'm still about 50% fat.
For the past year or so, I've been dealing with extreme tiredness everyday. I've tried anti-depressants, and while they've helped somewhat, I still struggle with tiredness throughout the day. After some discussions with my husband and doctor, it came to light that I probably have sleep apnea. I wouldn't know for sure unless I did a sleep study, however that's several thousand dollars that would probably result in somebody telling me I need to lose weight. Duh! I can't afford that kind of money for someone to tell me what I already know.
So, I talked with my dear hubby, who by now is a weight loss expert, and we discussed what I could do to start losing weight more consistently and a little faster than what I've been doing (8 pounds a year).
Coincidentally, after that discussion, we went to a local bank to open up a new bank account. We ended up being assisted by the branch manager, who, after seeing my husband's license photo (taken when he was 400 pounds), started raving about the weight loss center across the street from her bank that had helped her lose 24 pounds in less than 2 months.
Upon leaving the bank, I was pumped. Although I'd already been counting calories at that point for a few weeks, I was excited about the possibility of having support and accountability, other than my husband. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband. I just don't want him analyzing everything I'm eating!
One month into the program, with 8 pounds lost, I'm beginning to realize what my sweet hubby means when he says he "decided". I have now also "decided" to lose weight.
I "decided" to not binge the night before starting the diet.
I "decided" to only put in my mouth what's on my plan. (I even declined the weight loss center's offer to taste samples of their new bar.)
I've "decided" that I can do anything for 6 months.